so xmas is almost here. still got lots o shoppin to do ...but i need money first. lol.

so i got a second job. If its a day shift its waitressing, if its a night job its bartending ..and i love the bar n grill the people working there are amazing and its a relaxed environment. so i may be working more but it feels more like im going out and doing something fun and new.

i dont even wanna get started on doommart.

got my first actual wedding photo shoot on new years day!!!!!! its gonna be awesome :) Katie will be so pretty :D

i feel like my life is finally getting a lil easier with the 2 jobs ill be able to afford more and reach my goal of being debt free lol

btw snow sucks i hate cold!

I figure i havent blogged in so long... i probably should. i've currently been obsessed with comic books or laurell k hamilton novels, nintendo ds games, photoshopping, dailyboothing, and the boyfriend.

also joined a gym and have actually been going...strange yes. i know im not super overweight but im so outta shape and i wouldnt mind losing a few pounds gettin fit. i just know im lazy and i am sick of it. i work a lot but when im home i do nothing besides the stuff mentioned above. i would like to get a photography business running but im just doing babysteps right now. i just dont have the space or place.

i guess i really dont have much to talk about. i could mention the strange dream i had not that long ago.  i was watching a tree grow from third person and it started in a cave layers and layers underground and it didnt break thru the ground to sprout up it just entwined between it to form a HUGE like mile long trunk all the way up to the surface of a beautiful view and sunny day. it was odd cuz i dont normally have dreams like that at all. or in third person for that matter. felt like a god being able to see everything and not really physically be there. i duno

guess i will eat a snack n play left4dead or read fables v2. ill probably end up watching that box movie /shrug.  THE BOX.. omg is it gonna bite me? o.o lol  i duno im giving it a chance. but just one. haha

so im in some debt... and its finally come around to kick my ass.

bank and captial one are not happy with me..but i just got a raise and get paid enough now that i can actually pay some of this bullshit off..i just got to the point were i can balance car and rent and food..now i gotta add 2 more bills .../sigh... i can do this.

the bf has been stayin with me for a while til his apartment is done..and rent-able.. its been a really good month :) hope my money problems dont ruin it :( rawr.

i need to get rid of that air hockey table n make some extra cash quick!

im gonna stop ignoring phone calls and try and settle my debt so i can get my credit back from the black hole its in and start edging toward a house...cuz i dont like apartments! damn you loud mofos upstairs and ur stomping! ..no really they stomp down the hallway so much we lost a light fixture cuz it fell

looks like tattoo i want will have to wait.. but i think it will mean more when i get it after i pull myself out of the web i jumped in a long time ago..

shit happens..we all go thru tough times..now my tough times are finally about over..i cant wait til its in the past..

but my mom is.

reviewing her blog..i realized how much alike we really are.
Times she was proud of me voiced in a blog..if i hadn't read it ..i wouldnt have ever known about how she felt.

communication was always something that was ...well difficult in my family..people just dont wanna talk. apparently it as a sign of weakness to show feelings. Over time ive come to learn that communication and feelings are what make us human. expressing how u feel is what makes us so unique. there are so many feelings to be felt. some harder than others. some that scare us cuz its new or painful. Im glad i finally got to have a closer relationship with my mum. I would have never known the kind of person she is. and she is an amazing one.i wouldnt have thought i got any creativity from her ...but it definitely didnt come from my father...being stubborn and good with tools n fixing things did. I see her hidden creative streak in her words. she writes a lot. She has a way of telling stories and keeping u reading and puttin the feeling in you that shes expressing. that takes talent. specially in a world where everything is typed and u lose all power of pen and ink or voice flow and tone.  im sure if she took up drawing or painting i'd see something amazing. getting her to do it would be quite the task lol

well i should probably be sleeping since i just got off work at 11pm and have to go back in at 7am.. :/
just had to get out the thought i guess. i keep tellin myself to blog more..but who honestly read the crap that spills from my freakish brain lol

sometimes i think we blog.. when we dont have someone to talk to. i cant talk to some people cuz i know they are thinking I DONT CARE.  And sometimes life is just so interesting you need to share it. sometimes it isnt..but it feels like a reach in the direction of existence ... like HEY IM HERE ALIVE AND I EXIST!  but im not really important enough to stand out. DaVinci ...now i'd love to read his blog. lol lil late now. I wonder if Kevin smith blogs? i know simon pegg is fun to follow on twitter with his character jetbikesteve lol but texts at 4 and 5am are not fun lol

<.< eek its here... well i did already get roses n i really wasnt expecting that! :D i hope later today totally rocks..i really just wanna chill but the boyfriend says i have to go out but hey at least i have next two days off w00t

So i got a new slr Nikon Camera! omg its awesome! And combined with my photoshop skillz i think i can get some way better pics on here. i need to start a REAL portfolio!!!

Other than that hellmart sucks as usual..i keep hearing more an more people wanting to quit...who wants to work for a place that treats u like shit??? oh ...nobody..hmm... HINT HINT hellmart...treat your associates better and maybe we would work better and actually give a damn about our jobs... GET THIS they will be taggin us soon like animals... givin us little beepers that tell us were we need to be and let THEM know where we are at all times....bit insane. why dont u just add a microchip in our brain the second anyone completes orientation and survives..Maybe there is some truth to that whole Umbrella resident evil company and the world of HELLMART. :(  ...ya know.. when i first started...few years ago..i actually had a blast coming into work. you cant even talk to people while you work anymore..what kind of environment is that??? should have said slave zombie on the job description :((((( 


LOOKING FOR NEW JOB!!!! Cant take working for the stupidest company in the world anymore... its shameful. i actually feel like they rob me of my sanity and my life at the end of every day... i want a job i feel i want to wake up for ...what happen to those jobs?  they all became bullshit. SOMEONE PLEASE start a new job system...this is stupid. there are college grads working in walmarts dairy department when they have honors in programming. And ive been tryin to get him into my dept for the past year or 2. seriously ...wtf is wrong with a jobs hiring system these days???? I have experience and only some college and its even HARDER to find a job outside of retail or food.

***So... i got called into the office at work another two times for Bullshit reasons and now im on my "d-day" or final warning. which is pretty lame of Hellmart since ive been there almost 4 years and actually somehow made less this year than last...doesnt make sense but sure.....why not. Pretty sure that company is ass raping every employee without there knowledge but what i am i to do. when the big guy died the company became an evil entity. I cant fight it..how do u fight an immortal? :( hopefully karma will kick in eventually. just hope i live to see the day!***I may not be able to party as hard as i'd like to anymore :( ... for the past maybe 2-4 years i've been randomly havin trouble eating. Dont mistake this for eating disorder or some shit cuz i eat and eat well and refuse to throw up unless i cant hold it in anymore. so its nothing like that.  Its off and on and tends to come back after nights of drinking...especially if ive had too much and thrown up. I eat like any other day but some days it doesnt wanna go all the way down. as if the bottom of my throat closed and just kept lettin food pile up.  so im semi choking on it but i can breathe.. its extremely painful and i thought it was just acid reflux til i tried those quick fix its and anything i took either was useless or made it worse. :/ And if it gets REAL bad **squeamish dont read next line** i start to heave and its all mucas ...not stomach acid or food. maybe its an ulcer ..but hopefully its not throat cancer like my Gpa had..i duno if i could deal with that.

It got really bad the other day..i got down a bagel and a half b4 i was in really bad pain and over the sink for thirty min or so.  I decided its time to quit puttin it off cuz obviously its not gonna heal itself so sometime this month is doctor visit....and i hate hospitals..i think of zombies and death when i walk in.  
If alcohol is the reason tho then it looks like i'll be sober everday after doc visit :(  which isnt all bad .but damn i like vodka every once in a blue moon.

***I'm getting a decent tax refund back by mid to late feb so im uber excited...today at work i sat back and wondered what is one thing i probably cant afford that i would realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly love to have.  i really could use a decent camera... ive always wanted an slr so i think thats what im gonna do. pets still gettin their snippin too and some debt is gonna be paid off. but i'd love to have my OWN slr for Thera's designer line photo shoot we are plottin for spring/summer. ive been dying to get a portfolio together and if its good i can get a REAL job that i really LIKE!


***The Boyfriend and I hit 2 months yesterday and i asked him if he still wants to keep me and he said yes so things are awesome lol
We went to Dave & Buster's for my friends wedding reception get together and we had a total blast :)  I brought home a new coffee cup, a silly straw cup, and some new shot glasses from all my tickets. Work has been givin him the run around but he's stayin strong.. hellmart bullshit is a lot to deal with. but he's new to it. I wanted to stay inside and hide on Valendoom's day...since i dont have the best track record with that holiday since ive been ignored by one, dumped by another, and stood up by the last im not exactly looking forward to it ..but he keeps tellin me its gotta change sometime and im not allowed to hide that day :/ lol i hope it'll be fun..but i dont wanna get my hopes up too much ...JUST IN CASE.

***Computer is finished. I wouldnt mind another monitor sometime, more ram, and eventually a better graphics card..but thing purrs like a kitten and has the power of a lion. so i think im good for now :) its a masterpiece for now :D

***I restarted Tomb Raider Underworld ....AGAIN...how many times to i have to smash that retarded octopus???  ...i lost all my saved progress when i moved from my old place.. i created a new user on my new roommates xbox360 and then over time i decided to recover my same gamer tag C4TA774CK that had my score/achievements on it but couldnt transfer saved games AGAIN >.< oh well...

***Vacation Starts Today! im off 3 days then work one then off another 3!!! im so excited ! im gonna reconnect with the gaming world the whole time!

***Think im gonna go pass out now tho since i've had several zombie shifts last few weeks and im runnin on empty...i can sleep in :D w00t!

So its been a crazy month..not all bad but not all good.

So the beginning to the year was pretty good i spent it with the boyfriend. :)
It's been endless bliss with him and im so happy and i believe he is too :)

As for work...i applied at border's in hope of a fun second job...no call yet.. :( walmart ruins everything.

..HELL-Mart has already called me into the office 3 times for 3 misunderstandings and im starting to think they are just waitin for a reason to fire me. :( its had me uber stressed..im not on a final warning yet but they keep tryin to give it to me ..i dont wanna go another year wondering if i could get fired at any time it really makes me a cranky mother f*cker and depresses the shit outta me.

i feel really bad for some of my friends...for some its been a terrible start to the new year..and i wanna say im here for any of you. Ears, Eyes, Emails, Text, and Calls are always there and open and im here anytime.

Cerberus is getting big..ive decided its time to take down the baby gate n let him roam a lil round the apartment when im not home. I think he's too big to be stuck in my room. He's been pretty good bout it. he wont stop eating the paper coasters my roomie got from germany tho..i really liked those coasters..other than that wires are intact and couches are in one piece.

ooo and finally got processor for my computer! just gotta get a operating system maybe windows 7 and i can haz my computer!!!!!!